The 5 Levels of Helping Someone

LEVEL 1

What they asked for

You barely need a question here. They brought you one.

The only thing I ask at the start is this, and I've asked it on more calls than anything else I say:

Then answer it well.

The thing to watch at Level 1 is repetition. When someone keeps coming back with a new version of the same question, they're asking you to go deeper.

LEVEL 2

What they actually need right now

The question behind the question. You only hear it if you listen past the words they used.

• "Is it really just a (XXXXX) thing, or is there something deeper to it?"
• "Is it a feeling or is it a fact?"
• "What do you mean by that?"
• "Is this solving a priority that is really a priority for you right now?"
• "Is this solving a practical problem, or is it giving me security?"
• "What is stopping you from just hyper focusing on (XXXXX)?"
• "Are you here just for (XXXXX), or is (XXXXX) actually your goal?"

LEVEL 3

What they REALLY want in their life

Not the goal. The reason behind the goal. Most people have never said it out loud.

• "Why is that important to you?"
• "Go deeper. What does that bring you when you think two to three steps ahead?"
• "What do you want in your life in the next 10 years?"
• "Not a big trip or a holiday. An ideal day at home. What would it be like for you?"
• "Which of these are super important to you, and which are other people's expectations of you?"
• "Are you willing to feel behind your peers in order to live the kind of life you want?"
• "Why do you want money?"
• "Do you think part of your goal is just to (XXXXX), or is it something else?"

LEVEL 4

The root causes

The patterns, the beliefs, the inner conflicts. Solve only the situation and it rebuilds itself in six months.

• "What is causing the resistance?"
• "What are you afraid of?"
• "What is the belief you feel is underneath this sentence?"
• "How many years do you think this belief has been around already?"
• "Do you feel that belief about (XXXXX) is serving you the best way it can in life right now?"
• "What has being the (XXXXX) cost you?"
• "What happens if you keep tolerating and tolerating and tolerating?"
• "Do you feel these are the actions of someone who is committed to raising their standards?"
• "Do you feel all these last minute errands are just nice excuses not to do the real work?"
• "When you are (XXXXX), are you controlling your emotions or are your emotions controlling you?"
• "Are there parts of your life you are suppressing having a good, honest conversation about?"

LEVEL 5

Making yourself unnecessary

Questions that hand the diagnosis back to them. This is the level most people never build for.

The one I use most, on almost every call:

1. "From a scale of 1 to 10, where are you right now?"
2. "Why not a 10?"
3. "What's missing that, if it were present, would move that to a 10 out of 10?"

Then the rest:

• "Whatever I just did with you. Can you do that yourself?"
• "Do you trust yourself to handle uncertainty?"
• "Do you trust yourself to follow the system even without (XXXXX)?"
• "What would the highest version of you do right now?"
• "What does your gut tell you?"
• "How confident are you in taking all the actions by yourself in the next 30 to 90 days?"
• "If you cannot decide which one is most important, which one gives you the most resistance right now?"
• "What's the biggest bottleneck?"
• "Did I play to the highest version of myself today?"